What is Appropriate to Wear to a Wake or Funeral?
Death often feels unexpected, but it’s inevitable.
Even when you’re expecting someone to pass away due to illness, it can feel like a runaway train passing through you. The peaks & valleys of emotions you feel can sometimes be indescribable to those who have never been through such an ordeal.
You know what I mean if you’ve ever experienced seeing someone you care about battling cancer, other life-threatening illnesses, or passing away due to unnatural causes.
Whether it’s sudden or not, death hits you like a ton of bricks.
In my short 30 years, I’ve experienced more sudden deaths than I feel comfortable admitting. I’ve also witnessed the struggle of family & friends watching loved ones pass away due to sickness.
The last thing anyone wants to think about as they’re going through this traumatic period is, “What do I wear?”
When you’re in the thick of planning someone’s funeral or waiting to hear when the wake will be, it’s an awkward time. Whether it’s sudden or not, death hits you like a ton of bricks.
People send flowers, food, cards & letters. The whole experience is slightly uncomfortable. It may be hard to admit, but death is a transitional time in our lives. I personally mark many chapters of my life through series of events like funerals & weddings.
I used to feel uncomfortable when I was younger asking someone what to wear to a funeral or wake. The first time I asked someone as a teenager, they looked at me like I was from a different planet. They’re response to me was, “Black, obviously.”
In that moment, I felt small & a little dumb for not knowing. But the only other funeral I had been to at the time was for my grandfather.
At his funeral some people wore black suits & dresses, others wore colorful, floral prints to honor his life. Reflecting on that time, I can’t even remember what I wore. The weeks between him being sent to the hospital & his funeral were such a blur.
Though these memories are blurry, I still use them as a frame of reference to help others who are going through a similar experience.
Having What You Need Makes It Easier
Now that you have a little bit of context behind why I’m writing this post, let’s get into the advice you need to know.
If you’ve dealt with grief, you’ll understand this statement, “After someone passes away, time moves simultaneously, fast & slow.”
Some moments feel like they’re passing by with a blink of an eye. On other days, the hands on the clock tick by in slow motion. So, having what you need, helps make the process a little more bearable.
I’ve had clients who ask for help the day before a funeral, even though they’ve had a week to prepare.
I’ve also had clients who want to speed through the process a few days before, just to get it over with.
I’ve even had clients who found out they were giving the eulogy the day before the funeral.
Another who found out they would be in the funeral procession as a pallbearer just a few days before the wake.
The similarity among all of them is how they scrambled to find something presentable to wear, while mourning their friends & family members.
My role during this time for my clients is to help make the process quick, easy, & minimize the anxiety they may be feeling.
I plan the process of getting dressed for a funeral using these 3-steps:
Giving them options to try on without overwhelming them with too many choices
Bringing their outfits to try-on in the comfort of their homes
Offering one less thing for them to think about by returning/exchanging anything they don’t love
While this process isn’t much different than what I do for clients on a regular basis, having a delicate touch helps. Having patience & giving my clients time to make decisions is important to me. No one likes feeling rushed while they’re grieving.
It May Feel Morbid, But You’ll Thank Me Later
Planning makes funerals, wakes, Shivas, or other events in memorial a little easier. The same goes for knowing what you’ll wear when these events happen.
It may feel morbid, but when you already have something to wear for a funeral, you’ll thank me later.
Like I mentioned at the start of this post, death is inevitable. So, having an outfit appropriate for many occasions, including a funeral saves you time, energy & stress.
My top 3 must-have outfits, versatile enough for any occasion are:
A black suit, white dress shirt, black tie & black shoes
A Little Black Dress (LBD) & black heels
A pair of black dress pants, black dress shirt/blouse & black shoes
These three outfits will carry you through happy & sad occasions for years to come. Black is timeless, easily translates no matter the occasion, & offers you the comfort of knowing you’ll look good.
Your Quick Guide to Dressing for Funerals & Wakes
Give yourself time to go to a tailor:
have your pant legs hemmed, sleeves shortened & waistlines taken in if needed.
Don’t forget your outerwear:
Bring your jacket along with your pants when you go to your tailor. Last minute alterations, may be necessary.
When in doubt, go conservative:
A dress flowing just above the knee or longer will always be better than being too short. The same idea goes for your neckline. Too much cleavage is never a good idea.
What you wear matters. Not just for graduations, weddings, or job interviews but also for sad occasions.
The last thing you want to think about as you prepare for a funeral is what you’ll wear. Instead, show up respectably for the deceased & give condolences to their friends & family, without looking inappropriate. What you wear matters but shouldn’t pull attention from the reason you’re all there.
If you’re a part of the procession as a pallbearer or attending as a guest, hopefully you found this post helpful. Let me know your thoughts on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn & TikTok, connect @akcstyle.